Where I Belong
by Frizz07
Summary: I wish I could tell you that things were meant to happen for a reason, that life isn’t always filled with rainbows and fluffy clouds. You’ve learned this the hard way. CAUTION: Deals with suicide.


Where I Belong

By Frizz07

* * *

"Time flys. Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time. Time to stand up, time to grow up, time to let go."

* * *

Who is the man I see

Where I'm supposed to be?

I lost my heart

I buried it too deep

Under the iron sea

You held your head low as you walked into that little white building, an group of guests whispering to their partners that you were 'the one', or the wife of their deceased family member. You see them staring at you, and you hear what they say, but you keeping walking with your head lowered, too depressed to even care.

They were his family. They didn't know you, and quite frankly, they never took the time to care. You don't let this bother you, though. You're here for one reason and one reason only. You continue to walk past them, remembering that you are only here for him, to say your last goodbye.

You are seated in a lovely burgundy chair at the front of the room, right in front of the casket. The gentleman that led you to your spot nearly had to drag you to that chair, for you stopped right in the middle of the isle, the memories of your wedding day floating back into your mind.

You could picture it, almost as if it were yesterday. Draco stood there looking so handsome in his tux, his eyes never leaving yours as you were led down the isle, your hands being placed within his. Your heart had never felt so full as it did that day, and now as you stood in the middle of that isle, the memories of your wedding playing about in your mind, you felt your broken heart beginning to tingle with that same warmth as it did then.

"Mrs. Malfoy," the gentleman spoke for the umpteenth time as you floated back to reality, a frown drawing upon your face. You hadn't heard that name in so long. You let him lead you to that chair, and just as you had done with the others, you put up a wall when he gave his respects to both you and your lost husband.

Lines even more unclear

Not sure I'm even here

The more I look the more I think that I'm

Starting to disappear

You don't bother to look around you as the guests pack into the small room; all of them with the same platinum blonde hair and that specific smug look on their faces. You kept your eyes on that bundled up little tissue that you squeezed in your palm, afraid to look them in the eyes, to see him inside all of them.

"_What would you do without me, love?" Draco said as he pulled Hermione into his arms, her head nestled into the crook of his neck. _

"_I would probably die," she said with a smile, her eyes fluttering to a close." Draco pressed his lips against her forehead. "You wouldn't last one minute without me," he said, smiling. _

_Hermione looked him in the eyes, frowning. "You're not planning to leave me any time soon, are you?" she said with large puppy dog eyes. Draco shook his head, kissing her softly on the forehead. "No love," he said, softly. "I could never leave you. You mean the world to me, and nothing, not even death could change that." _

You sit there among his family, feeling lost, dazed, confused. The speaker at the front of the room is babbling something from a book, one that sparks a memory. Draco's favorite book, the one that you had given to him for Christmas. You remembered how you used to love to sit next to the fire, listening ever so closely as he read from the book, his voice so soft and pure.

"_The highest mountain I would climb, just for your love in return. The deepest ocean I would plunge, just to see your smile. I would rather die a thousand times than to see you cry, for you are the meaning of my life."_

"He once told me that he didn't know what love meant until he met Hermione." The speaker said, looking in your direction. "He said that she was the missing piece to his heart, and the glue that held it all together. My cousin wasn't always a loving person, but something inside him changed when he met this girl. It was almost as if at that moment, he realized he had been a fool for too long, and now was the time to change."

You wish so badly that Draco was here with you now, to hold your hand and make the pain disappear. You'd give anything just to have him with you, but you know that wish will never come true, no matter how many times you wish on that lucky star.

Oh crystal ball, crystal ball save us all

Tell me life is beautiful

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Oh crystal ball hear my song

I'm fading out

Everything I know is wrong

So put me where I belong

You continued to sit in your chair as the funeral ended and the guests began to make their exit. Only a few of them dared to approach your chair, but you ignored them. They understood, though, as they saw your head drop, and the tears falling freely down your cheeks. With simple words of respect, they followed the others out the door, leaving you to be with your husband.

"_Draco," she said, ever so softly, as she held his body within her fragile arms. "**Draco**, **please**, oh **god, no**, **no**! Please**, please**, wake up,"_

"_Hermione," Harry said as he attempted to pull her into his arms. "Hermione, he's gone. There's nothing we can do to save him," _

"_THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING!" she screamed, her quivering arms still wrapped tightly around him. "Please, Harry, there **has** to be something**. Please** save my husband," _

"_I'm sorry, Hermione." He said, wrapping his arms around her. "The only thing I can do now is look for the people that did this." –he sighed deeply as Hermione nestled her head in the crook of Draco's neck, her tears running down his blood stained jacket- "I'll find them, Hermione, even if it's the last thing that I ever do."_

You've just begun to realize how difficult it is to be alone. To feel the love of your life being taken out of your arms, out of reach. You're beginning to realize that you'll never hear his voice again, or see his lovely face beaming with love and joy. Sitting there in your seat, you wish that he was there, just so you wouldn't have to feel this. You wish you could stop crying, or secretly planning out your own death. You just want to be with him, just how it used to be.

That kind gentleman that led you to your seat is now standing at your side, placing a warm hand on your shoulder. He assures you that one day you will be reunited with your lost love, that all you can do now is live your life to the fullest and to remember the good times that you shared with him. You don't _want_ to wait for someday. You want to be with him _today_. You want life to continue the way it was, the life you had before those retched death eaters stole your husband from you.

You've blamed yourself for his death. If only you would've told him years ago that you were never meant to be, and his destiny was with the death eaters. If only he hadn't chosen you over them, and given up everything he had ever known to live a life with you. He would've still been breathing if you had never existed.

"Mrs. Malfoy," the gentleman said once more, his face gentle and kind. "Would you like to see your husband one last time?"

You looked up at him with those tear filled eyes, almost like those of a small child. With a nod, you lifted yourself from the chair and slowly made your way over to the casket. The simple brown wallpaper and the silver chairs faded as you approached the casket, being replaced by pure white walls and lovely white lilies. Your simple black clothing faded away into the magnificent ivory dress that hugged your curves ever so beautifully.

One foot in front of the other, now, just as your wedding day. You breath deeply as you stop at the casket, your fingers quivering as you lifted the lid.

I don't know where I am

And I don't really care

I look myself in the eye

There's no one there

I fall upon the earth

I call upon the air

But all I get is the same old vacant stare

The world came crashing down on your shoulders once again as you looked down at your husband, his face as cold and pale as the winter snow. It took all the strength you had to keep your legs from giving out on you. Lying in his casket, he looked so peaceful, so content. You wished more than anything you could feel that way. Reaching into your pocket, you pulled out a picture, one that you had taken on your wedding day. You set the picture next to his shoulder, along with the other items you had previously put into the casket.

Looking over your shoulder, you realized that the gentleman that had been next to your side had left, and you were completely alone. Reaching into the casket, you took one of his hands in yours, squeezing it softly.

"_How much do you love me?" Hermione asked, softly, as she lay next to her husband in bed, her wedding dress lying messily at the foot of the bed. Draco grinned, running a hand down her jaw. "Why do you ask? Isn't marrying you enough of an answer?" _

_She smiled, shaking her head. "Marriage doesn't necessarily mean you're in love." She said. "I just want to know how much I mean to you, that's all." _

_Stroking her arms, Draco looked within her eyes. "My love for you extends far beyond the treetops," _

"_Treetops?" _

_Laughing softly, he said, "Fine, the stars. My love for you, Hermione Malfoy, extends far beyond the stars." _

_Satisfied, Hermione cuddled into his arms, resting her head on his chest. "You love me now, but how long will that last?" she asked, her voice soft, almost afraid to hear the answer. _

_Draco gazed up at the ceiling, his fingers entwined within her golden locks. "Don't worry yourself with that, Hermione." He said, softly. "I'll never stop loving you."_

Dropping your knees, you placed your head within your quivering hands, tears streaming down your skin. It had been so long since you've cried like this. You had been bottling it up inside you, afraid of what would happen if it went too far.

Oh crystal ball, crystal ball save us all

Tell me life is beautiful

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Oh crystal ball hear my song

I'm fading out

I wish I could tell you that things were meant to happen for a reason, that life isn't always filled with rainbows and fluffy clouds. You've learned this the hard way. There is still time for you, Mrs. Malfoy, and yet you refuse to see that. There is still time to get back on your feet and be as successful as you'd always wanted to be, but you've stopped yourself from seeing that, too.

You had loved, and lost, and given in to every horrible feeling that has passed your way. You've hit one of the largest speed bumps in life, and for some reason, you can't find enough strength to recover. You're weak, and you're lonely, and you've cried enough tears to drown yourself in.

"_I'll never stop loving you." _

You lifted your head, slowly, to gaze at the casket, thick hot tears streaming down your cheeks. Your quivering hand reached ever so slowly inside your jacket, fingers locking around the thick plastic end of the blade.

I wish I could have told you that ending your life was not the answer, but you had already made up your mind. Life was not worth living without him. You've been through the good, and you've dabbled into the depths of hell. What else could be thrown at you, now? What more could life bring you other than pain and heartbreak?

With two quivering hands holding the handle, you brought it to the level of your chest, hesitating as you found yourself thinking of life as it was once upon a time. Once upon a time when you had your prince and life was wonderful. Once upon a time when the wicked death eaters stole that life from your hands, and left you to die alone.

With an intake of air, you drove that glistening blade into your porcelain skin, an intense amount of pain driving through your veins. You fell forward on your hands as the foreign object split a path through your skin, trickles of blood soaking into your dress. With the little strength that you possessed, you rolled yourself over onto your back, eyes lazily opening and closing as you fought the eternal sleep.

"_Let's all raise our glasses in celebration for not only the uniting of my lovely bride and I, but for the bride herself, for she is one hell of a lady, especially for the fact that she's had to deal with my bastard of a self." Draco said, his face glowing as he stood among his family and friends, their laughter filling the room. He turned to Hermione, smiling at her angelic features. _

"_To my Hermione," he said, softly, as he raised his glass, the contents sparkling in the light. "You've proved to me that you're so much more than a bookworm or a pretty face, but the very angel that I needed to pull me from the darkness. You're my world, my rock, my heart, and every day, every time I open and shut my eyes, I thank Merlin you gave me a chance and came into my life." _

You knew it was all over as the darkness began to shade over your lovely tear filled eyes. The pain would be gone in a minute. As the bloodstain grew thicker on your dress, you looked up at the casket one last time, whispering, "I'll never stop loving you,"

As seconds passed, your breath became thin, your eyes blackening over, your muscles becoming relaxed, the pain disappearing, and finally, the life escaping your lips.

Everything I know is wrong

So put me where I belong

**Author's Note:** The idea of this story came from an experience I had at a funeral just recently. Sitting at the funeral, I watched his family sitting in front of the casket, and I thought about how difficult it was for them. His wife sat quietly in her burgundy chair, completely in her own little world. That's when I thought of this story, and I began to imagine myself in that situation. I wasn't sure if the flashbacks would be too confusing, or the part in the beginning when Hermione is walking up to the casket, and it switches back from her wedding to the funeral. Ah yes, and before I forget, the song that was used is called "Crystal Ball" by Keane. So yeah, I've put a lot of heart into this little fic, and I really hope you all enjoy it as much as I do. Please, as always, don't forget to review and tell me what you think.

Jess


End file.
